The Challenge:
BT: Billy Tucker vs. Yard Gnome
The Verdict:
BT: Billy Tucker paraded down the highway in his SS Chevelle. All at once, a rock glazed across his windshield and totalled the car. BT fell to his knees and cried out to the heavens. Suddenly, due to his lightning quick reflexes, he heard another rock pebble speeding toward his head and he darted out of the way just in time. He turned his pavement scathed face and saw a one-foot high yard gnome running towards him. The look of it was almost comical.
The yard gnome spoke only in haiku's and he prayed to the god named DuWayne. His name was Derrick Myers.
How dare ye tumult,
down the street before my yard,
Now ye will die, ye!
BT pulled out his battle axe and summoned Meteor upon the fearless gnome. The gnome named Meyers ducked behind a couple of plastic flamingos and the Meteor missed him. BT: Billy Tucker charged straight toward him but the gnome named Dereck ducked and BT went through the house's window and found himself perched on top of the kitchen table. He heard the yard gnome scuffling up the side of the house, chanting:
In my master's house,
how dare the fiend enter here,
my wrath he will face!
BT went for the refrigerator hoping to find something he could use to defend himself. "My combat residuals are fantastic!" he thought as he sped through the contents of the Maytag. He pulled forth a bottle of La Choy. "What's this shit?" he said aloud as he tossed the substance aside and retrieved a bottle of Kikkoman. "Now we're talking!"
BT leaned out the window and poured the Kikkoman into the yark gnome named Darrick's eyes. The gnome's head started smoking inevitably.
One, two, three more steps,
take them and my trap will spring,
BT will die, ha!
BT took the third step and a giant cage fell down on top of him. The gnome named Derick stood up and laughed.
Now I have caught you,
Master will be oh so pleased,
I will get a treat!
BT felt something beneath him and saw a black cable running to the yard gnome's feet. "Cut this cord and you'll ruin the whole show," he said. He pulled out his trusty McGuyver knife and after searching through the assortment of tools available to him, he snipped the wire. The yard gnome's eyes grew wide and imploded. It was kinda like a pez dispenser being exploded only the opposite. The yard gnome named Maiyers croaked the following before he vanished:
I can't believe it,
this will be my last haiku,
BT has beat me.
BT couldn't help feeling sorry for the troll and a tear rolled down his cheek as he fixed his Chevelle and stormed down the road. He though to himself:
Goodbye fair yard gnome,
you put me to the test, but,
BT is the best!
